Victoria's Poems

Woke up this morning and I feel pain It was sadness before but now I feel lost Feels like being punished just for being So much in love with you but it's forbidden You put smile on my face, the best one ever But it's taken away from me, it hurts like shit Like finding a gown that fits but too expensive I can only adore you for I'm not allowed to steal You came out of nowhere, out of my league Touched my heart so gentle just by holding hands You showed me love so true I didn't know existed Now I have to let you go, tell me how do I do that? I no longer ask the 'why', I prefer the 'how' How much joy you bring to me just by your 'hello' How your love heals all of my previous wounds And whispering to me it's gonna be all right With you it's just love, somehow it scares me I've been in pain for so long, I wasn't prepared Now I know what those love songs' about I really wish this won't be a sad one If I ...

They fell in love at first sight But things didn't seem so right He was too young and plain She was too deep with brain So they became best friends But feelings are inavoidable He was so adorable And she's just so clever Soon they part on their own ways They couldn't stand being with each other He doesn't like feeling this much She doesn't want to be hurt Still fate want them be together Because there are things they need to learn So he starts digging deep And she tries to be relax They fell in love at first sight Just like being set from above No matter how they think of running They belong together So complicated, yet meant to be

It should be another ordinary vacation day in Bali for me, but something in the air says something else. From the mesmerizing sunset to the colourful twilight sky that I just witnessed on the beach, I know there should be something special about the day. But my whole day already went on like any regular day... until it was dinner time. "Excuse me," a man softly touches the back of my lower left arm. I glance at him with a plate full of the dish I picked from the food counter on my left hand. My right hand is grabbing the utensils from a smaller counter. I stare at him for two seconds, waiting for the reason of why he provoked me. "Deidre," he looks relieved when I look back. But it's not my name he just called. I stare at him for a longer bit. There is something in his eyes that sends me a shiver. A strange warm sensation that makes me shiver. "I'm sorry, wrong person," I smile, both to cover the awkwardness and to get rid of...

Tell me I'm wrong If I let go like this Who am I to keep you I don't deserve this But I don't see how else Should I behave Doesn't mean I don't love you Instead I do, so much I just can't be selfish I shouldn't keep you for me While you belong somewhere else I need to let you go Because I cannot stay either I would end up wanting you more And it's gonna be bad Now I do what I know is best Let you be where you belong And everything would be good

Once upon a time  Faith had made them met Love struck between two hearts Blooming rapidly and uncontrollably God has His own way To show His love and power Why is it now and why is it you We'll never know , it's His mystery Had it been earlier Things wouldn't be this complicated You asked, "where had you been all my life?" I said, "maybe I was busy growing up" Then you smiled and kissed my eyes "which made me love you so much now" Once upon a time God was acting as a cupid Perhaps He gave out the wrong arrows But then again maybe He was right after all

Your love makes me happy It lightens up even the bluest of my day Your love makes me believe I'm worth a lot more than I thought I was Your love gives me laughter Of stories you share with me about the past Your love makes me cry On how you treat me like no other man did before Your love makes me feel warm You comfort me between my worries and weary heart Your love makes me feel blessed Because I know God take care of me by sending you Your love makes me act like a child Who seeks attention and affection from her parents Your love makes me feel like a woman Who flies to the sky while stands on earth at the same time Your love makes me powerful I could bear anything the world is challenging me Your love makes me so grateful Because not everyone is experiencing such great love Thank you for your love I am loved and it is precious I don't want anything else in life Because your love is everything I need

Could it be that you are just an imagination I think of when I saw you fulfills half of my expectation? Could it be that I made up the other half just to make you complete as the perfect figure here on my mind? Could it be that actually no one in this world can ever meet with the standard we set and simply no one is a perfect match? Could it be that you are actually no one to me that you are just another passerby that we are not destined to be anyhow? Could it be that you maybe the one for me that we might be together forever tho we both know it's just a lame daydream? Could it be that there is no such reason that maybe we just met in random tho my heart longs for some kind of fairy tale? Could it be... ?

04.04.09 In a world maybe only hers to know, she was desperate For nobody's knowledge she had suffered and tortured Life had taught her miseries--she had to find joy among the sorrow Unfairness happens--but justice would find its own way somehow By the time he found her she was wounded and exhausted She was torn and broken and she needed some hope How had she forgotten how to again have the laughter A glimpse of happiness--that was all she ever wanted In him she has found an understanding like never before With him she grows and expands more than she'd ever know By him she is loved and taken care, cherished and embraced Beside him she knows she will--a little more than may--be just fine Thank you.

30.08.09 Into those pair of beautiful hazelnut-brown eyes I was looking, tried to convince myself it was not a dream I was in... No, it was not--tho all of the things that happened for the last six months did seemed like one. Into those hypnotic hazel eyes my mind was dragged, bringing my mind back into four years earlier, when that luscious full lips told me how comfortable the owner was to be with me but somehow had promised someone to stay away... Or to what happened just a month before, when he lightly suggested for us to be together and how excited I was when I responded to the invitation a 'yes', making him ended up kissing me softly with his delicious juicy lips... Or to what happened six months before, when I saw him being with another girl and how it broke my heart in silence--that I tried to convince myself he was not for me, how wonderful things like him doesn't belong in my life... Or to what happened three months before, when I first saw him on the par...

18.04.09 This isn't a dream. You made me sure about it last night, before I fell asleep, by the phone. Though it really feels like one. The one I've been dreaming about for years, after all, that comes true today. In my dreams were images of a man who'd love me so true, but along with the love, frees my soul. In it I dreamt about hands of the man who'd hold mine thru life and carry me up when I grow tired. In it I figured the feet that would walk and run with me, with the same pace, until the end of the road. In it I imagined a pair of eyes that would look through mine and find my soul in it, nakedly, and those eyes would love what they'd looking at, regardless how broken, flawed, and contented it is, but still love it no matter what. Those eyes match yours. You, of all the boys I've loved, lost and broken for. You, of all the men I've ever wanted; my deepest wish I dared not to dream of. The combination of it scares me yet it relaxes me at the...

01.09.06 Ada apa dengan diriku? Rangkaian kata-kata dapat merobek selaput yang melindungi hatiku dan membuatnya hancur berlinangan air mata. Hanya dengan kata-kata. Belum mengalaminya. Seakan dapat kurasakan kepedihan yang dialami seisi dunia dalam satu momentum. Baru beberapa menit yang lalu aku selesai membaca novel Andrei Aksana, Lelaki Terindah. Dengan kedua tokoh utama pria, kisah cinta terlarang itu menyentuh hatiku dan mempertanyakan keberadaanku. Mengapa menjadi galau hati ini, dan segenap rasa takut menyergap? Teramat dalam rangkaian kalimat yang dirangkai indah namun kejam itu merasuk ke dalam pikiranku, membuat otakku bekerja dalam kepanikan. Entah mengapa hatiku merintih, kisah itu telah menggores sedikit sampul kotak kecil yang telah kubungkus rapi dan kusimpan jauh di ruang terdalam hatiku agar tak terusik. Namun yang kubaca hari ini sungguh mengganggu benakku, seolah tiada lagi dunia yang berputar di luar sana. Yang terjadi hanyalah aku di dalam sepi ruangan be...

27.05.07 Cinta… Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita jungkir balik merasakan badai perasaan yang campur aduk? Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita superseneng dan sangatsedih, seperti dua mata koin yang merupakan satu kesatuan—hanya punya dua wajah yg berbeda? Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita ninggalin semua logika, prinsip, dan keyakinan kita hanya demi satu orang yang membawa kata ‘cinta’ ini ke dalam kehidupan kita? Kenapa satu kata itu mampu membuat keangkuhan terpaksa dirobohkan dan keegoisan dilebur? Kenapa satu kata itu merupakan satu kata yang patut dibenci namun kita memilih untuk mencinta? Kenapa satu kata itu bisa mengubah seseorang—bahkan sifat yang setegar batu sekalipun? Kenapa satu kata itu membuatku sesak napas sekarang? Aku butuh dia. Butuh dia untuk tetap bertahan. Cinta… Kenapa hanya itu yang kubutuhkan? Namun logika menghalangi… Cinta… Dapatkah cinta mengalahkan benteng prinsip dan logika—selamanya? Aku ingin hidup bahagia. Aku ingin hidup dengan cinta. Dapatkah...

.. there was a guy who fell in love with a girl. And to meet his hope she loved him back. Yet have the fate not side with their love, together they were never been. She lived her life in a town three hours away from him, made them meet more occasionally than often, and whenever they met their hearts bloomed. Had the years passed now she moved to his city. To be with him she cut out other relationship she had and gave him the trilionth chance to get her back. It was already the seventh years she was in love with him and so was he. But never, on those moments they had acted as lovers because the matter of place and time. Yet in those years had they met and built a bond only they could see. The bond of love they secretly made between their hearts, not for anybody else to see, even from each other. On one of Decembers of their years of knowing they got closer than ever. She was ready to give him everything. He was making journey to her town more than often. But without any warning he walke...

14.11.03 Dia menyakitiku lagi. Mengecewakanku. Lagi. Mencabik-cabik hatiku dan tak peduli padaku. Disiksanya aku hingga yang dapat kurasakan hanyalah rasa pedih itu. Pedih. Perih. Merintih. Tak dapat kutenangkan jiwa ini Kar'na tak dapat kuungkapkan perasaanku Mengapa ia tega melakukan semua ini? Tak mengerti bagaimana ku mulai terjerat Namun aku masih mencintainya Masih sayang padanya. Peduli padanya. Dan ketika ia datang kubukakan pintu baginya Untuk masuk dalam hatiku sekali lagi Entah mengapa ku tak mengenal jera Walau kali ini sakit hati lagi yang kudapat Hingga seluruh tubuhku bergetar Otakku buntu dan hatiku tak tenang Tak dapat kumengerti mengapa kuijinkan diriku 'Tuk terlibat terlalu jauh dengannya Namun ku tau hatiku masih mencintainya Dan ku 'kan cukup kuat 'tuk menanggung semuanya

10.11.03 Beku. Baal. Hampa. Aku duduk diam terpaku Tak dapat mengerti yang terjadi Baru saja kita bertemu Berbagi kisah, canda dan tawa Namun kau hancurkan hatiku 'Tuk ke sekian kalinya Kau berjalan dengannya Tapi kau duduk di sampingku Kau berbicara padaku Tapi kau tersenyum padanya Aku sungguh tak mengerti Siapa aku bagimu Bagaimana harus bersikap Ingin kuhapus bayangmu Namun s'lalu menghantuiku Aku beku. Baal. Hampa. Tak mengerti yang terjadi Tak tau harus berbuat apa Tak dapat melangkah lagi..

28.10.03 Cinta selalu datang di saat-saat teraneh yang tak pernah kita pikirkan atau harapkan. Tapi juga pergi di saat kita ingin menggenggamnya erat. Cinta tak bisa dipaksakan. Cinta mengalir begitu saja. Cinta yang tulus tak mengharap imbalan. Cinta terbesar yang tanpa syarat sangat indah terjadi di dunia ini. Cinta yang mampu merontokkan segala dinding keangkuhan, merobek tirai ke'aku'an, sekaligus menerima keadaan tanpa memaksa, memaafkan dengan tulus, dan tetap mencintai apa adanya. Aku insan yang sedang jatuh cinta. Perasaan terindah di dunia ini, dalam kehidupan ini. Walau tak berbalas namun tetap terasa indah. Karena aku tak mengharap lebih. Karena aku tak mau kecewa dan aku ingin ia bahagia. Dan aku akan ikut tersenyum bersamanya. Betapa indah dan mulianya rasa cinta. Andaikan seluruh manusia merasakannya, bayangkan betapa damainya dunia kita. Hanya satu rasa: Cinta.

18.10.03 Aku ingin menjerit. Teriak. Berontak. Sudah cukup bagiku ocehanmu. Tentang dia yang kaucinta. Entah keberapa kali harus kupaksa senyum yang palsu. Kau takkan pernah tau di dalam sini hatiku terluka. Terjebak dalam ruang hatiku sendiri. Penuh cinta tak kesampaian untukmu. Tak ada yang tau betapa sakitnya aku. Hanya bisa memandang wajahmu, mendengar tawamu, tapi tak bisa menggenggam tanganmu. Kudengar suka dukamu, kurasakan pedih di hatimu, ikut bahagia saat kau tersenyum. Kuberikan seluruh diriku, yang terbaik hanya untukmu, walau kau tak pernah melirikku. Namun ku tak kecewa, tak pula menaruh harapan. Ku hanya ingin mencinta. Mempersembahkan tulus setia yang kupunya. Tak mengapa kau anggap aku teman biasa. Dan tak menyesal kurasakan semua ini. Karena cintaku tulus padamu. Biar kusimpan dalam hati saja.

25.09.03 Aku tak pernah mengerti apa itu cinta. Kenapa ada cinta? Mengapa cinta bisa membuat seseorang tak sadarkan diri? Terbang ke dimensi lain yang tak pernah dimasuki sebelumnya. Menjadi gila, tak waras. Membuat orang tersenyum pada hal-hal kecil yang remeh. Tertawa akan memori peristiwa tak penting. Tersipu tatkala sang cinta datang menyapa. Bahkan bayangannya terus menguntitmu 24 jam nontsop dalam ruang imajimu di siang hari dan dalam mimpimu di malam hari. Tak pernah lelah, tak pernah absen dan tanpa sadar membuatmu terobsesi padanya. Apapun yang kau lakukan, pikirkan, omongkan, hanyalah dia sang pujaan hati. Mendobrak segala teori, motto hidup, teori-teori yang selama ini membungkusmu dengan aman, bersembunyi dari kejam dan kerasnya dunia, dari dinding-dinding prinsip yang kauanggap melindungimu. Cinta membuatmu rela meninggalkan kebiasaanmu, keangkuhanmu, keegoisanmu, logikamu, sekaligus memaksamu untuk peduli, mengorbankan segalanya, hanya demi satu kata lima huruf: CINTA. Ci...