Victoria's Poems

kupandangi ia di sebelahku tengah pulas usai pertarungan seru tadi pergumulan jiwa yang dimenangkan tubuh sekedar tuk melegakan dahaga badani kubelai pipinya, menepiskan galau hati bagaimana ini semua terjadi tetapi ini telah terjadi kukecup keningnya, berharap dia seseorang tapi dia bukan dia yang ada bukan yang kuimpikan yang mengisi relung jiwa dan impian malam hari dia yang ada dan bukan pula ia milik tak ingin kubayangkan ia pulang nanti ke pelukan buah hati dan aku mematikan nurani entah apa yang tengah kulakukan ini kuharap kutak membunuh hati dengan bermain api (ditulis di sesi CS Writers' Club Kamis itu di Gelato Secrets Setiabudi One)

Hening.. Hidupku sunyi tanpa jiwa yang gaduh Hanya pikirku berkelana menjelajah jauh Walau tetap hati hampa tanpa hadirmu Sepi.. Kujalani hari berganti warsa Berbekal rasa yang tak kunjung pudar Walau harap tak lagi ada di sana Koyak.. Berkeping terserak sukmaku terburai Merintih jiwa yang tak sempurna tanpamu Walau tabah menapaki bergulirnya waktu Lelah.. Tuk meneguk kecewa; kupaksa menelan rasa Hingga ku muak mengecap semua Walau tetap ku ikut mengaliri hari Selesaikan sudah Tak lagi dapat ku tahan Kuingin sakit ini selesai Cukup buatku di sini Kuberharap segera mati

Dalam sepi kau meninggalkanku Biarkan ku membusuk dengan pikirku Dan angan tentang masa yang takkan pernah ada Juga kenangan yang terkubur di dalam dada Dalam sunyi kurenungi sendiri Apa makna lahirku ke atas Bumi Jika perih yang kurasai dalam hati Walau indah juga kujalani dalam hari Bukan ku membenci hidup Tapi kadang kurasa cukup Entah apa masih ku sanggup Jika boleh kumintakan penutup Lelah.. Jiwa ini lelah terdera Walau senyum selalu kupaksa Telah jauh makna ku jelajah Ku ingin hanya mengikut ayah...

Kunanti kamuYang berjanji untuk ada Bertahan akan tinggal Tak pernah janjikan kapan Atau bagaimana pertemuan mendatang Bilakah mungkin ada Atau hanya angan belaka Dua insan mencinta Namun terpisah jarak dan masa Entah apa rencana Sang Pencipta Tiap-tiap kutunggui Menatap tembok yang tersanding pagar Berharap sosokmu kan muncul Seperti dulu berbagi rasa Tak jua kau hadir lagi Meninggalkan remah sisa harapku Tuk kembali menunggui hari Dan ku hanya menahan rasa Yakinkan kau pasti kembali Walau mungkin hanya angan belaka

Separuh jiwa ini mati Separuh lagi berjalan tanpa hati Tak bisa lebih baik denganmu Tak bisa lebih hidup tanpamu Entah apa yang harus kubuat Mati enggan hidup tak kuat Bersamamu mengikis hatiku Tapi tak bisa kuberpaling darimu Terkutuklah hari kita bertemu Menolakmu hatiku tak mampu Jika dapat kuulang waktu Tak perlu ada kau dan aku

This tears will become my power The strength to hold on The will to move on The ground to build on This tears will be a past soon It will become a joyous smile A triumph over the many miles The struggle we have will be worthwhile

-Feb 14, 2014- Sebuah senyum manis terpampang Menyimpan luka dalam terpendam Bilakah dapat kulepas genggam Membebas rasa yang remuk redam Bilakah langit bertindak kejam Melarangmu untuk kupandang Sebelum mata ini mulai memejam Kusisip doa untukmu sayang..

Teach me how to live without seeing your beautiful eyes in everything that I see Teach me how to breathe without smelling you in the air the scent that brings me memories Teach me how to move on without staring at the trails that you left on the road Teach me how to accept without looking at the faults but focus on the good instead Teach me how to love without comparing or accusing just to love with all my heart

I'm sorry If I can't get you out of my mind In every thing that I do You are dancing in my thoughts I'm sorry If I think about you all the time Soon after I open my eyes and wake up To the moment I'm going to bed at night I'm sorry If I make you my priority I really can't get another order You always come on top I'm sorry If I love you so much More than I should ever feel More than I could ever show I'm sorry But I love you too much

Can you hear me calling you? I don't want to But my heart is bleeding Just to see you again

It's not easy to let go The best of friend The father figure The brother in need The sun in the rain The moon in the night The wind in desert The traveling companion  The purpose of all The reason behind The other half The love of your life But if it has to be done so The way it supposed to be The price I have to pay Then let it be

You don't know how it feels To love someone you shouldn't When you let it all come in to you But knowing you'll have to lose it Eventually You don't know my struggle Upon those feelings I keep inside Against the force to let you go But this is what I should do Ultimately It feels hard for you As it is hard for me To fight the power of true love In this mediocre real world They don't understand You don't know His plans on us I don't know it either, babe But even we are not together This love will stay For eternity

Bilakah mudah bagiku Untuk mencintamu Bilakah ada bagiku Asa tuk bersamamu Kita tengah mengiris hati Menghimpun lara tuk dirasa nanti Meski tak kita rasa kini Kelak perih ini tak lagi terobati Jikalau ada jalan yang lain Kurela tempuh apa yang harus Jikalau dapat kusimpan ini Mungkinkah jua kau relakanku?

Mungkin tak kau sadari Sulit bagiku tuk menerima Keadaan ini Bukan inginmu Bukan inginku Cintamu hadir menyapa Jauh melampaui yang nyata Terlambat untuk kembali Kau sudah tertambat di hati Ajariku mencintaimu Dengan seluruh dayaku Ajari aku menerimamu Juga kekuranganmu Mungkin kini tak kumengerti Arti kisah ini Kuharap kelak kita bisa Seperti inginmu Seperti inginku

Tell me I'm wrong If I let go like this Who am I to keep you I don't deserve this But I don't see how else Should I behave Doesn't mean I don't love you Instead I do, so much I just can't be selfish I shouldn't keep you for me While you belong somewhere else I need to let you go Because I cannot stay either I would end up wanting you more And it's gonna be bad Now I do what I know is best Let you be where you belong And everything would be good

This stage was never mine But I played my part on it Get in too deep with my role I should get off This love shouldn't be mine But I borrowed and enjoyed it Wanting to possess it alone I should give it back This home couldn't be mine But I came on in anyway Though never got invited I should leave soon

If I miss you now Would it make you know that there's someone here wanting you so much? If I miss you now Could there be any words to describe how I feel and that you're all I need? If I miss you now Should I shout out loud and tell the world that I'm so in love with you? If I miss you now Would you know it? Would it make you mine after all?

Sometimes I ask myself if this true My brain told me to ignore you But my heart insists me to stay Somehow I feel I can't be away The logic says it's all wrong People say we don't belong But my soul longs for more Another moments to implore Then I got tired with my brain I let my heart to lead this again Maybe until we both surrender Or this story wouldn't be over

18 August 2011 To the leaves I whispered my weighs To the east it's blown by the wind Come near, you may feel my fears But still, you can't hear my tears

Dec.08 My apology It's still so hard for me To accept all the things And get back to the start But with you I'm willing to do anything Just to make you Never leave me again