Victoria's Poems

Woke up this morning and I feel pain It was sadness before but now I feel lost Feels like being punished just for being So much in love with you but it's forbidden You put smile on my face, the best one ever But it's taken away from me, it hurts like shit Like finding a gown that fits but too expensive I can only adore you for I'm not allowed to steal You came out of nowhere, out of my league Touched my heart so gentle just by holding hands You showed me love so true I didn't know existed Now I have to let you go, tell me how do I do that? I no longer ask the 'why', I prefer the 'how' How much joy you bring to me just by your 'hello' How your love heals all of my previous wounds And whispering to me it's gonna be all right With you it's just love, somehow it scares me I've been in pain for so long, I wasn't prepared Now I know what those love songs' about I really wish this won't be a sad one If I ...

Can you imagine How perfect we could be The way you look at me The way you hold my hand The way you protect me And how I cherish all that Can you imagine Our life together You'll make a living I'll make you home You'll do your hobby I'll be your cheerer Can you imagine If life is that simple That you were mine And I am yours But in this lifetime ours isn't And I really don't know what to do

Hening.. Hidupku sunyi tanpa jiwa yang gaduh Hanya pikirku berkelana menjelajah jauh Walau tetap hati hampa tanpa hadirmu Sepi.. Kujalani hari berganti warsa Berbekal rasa yang tak kunjung pudar Walau harap tak lagi ada di sana Koyak.. Berkeping terserak sukmaku terburai Merintih jiwa yang tak sempurna tanpamu Walau tabah menapaki bergulirnya waktu Lelah.. Tuk meneguk kecewa; kupaksa menelan rasa Hingga ku muak mengecap semua Walau tetap ku ikut mengaliri hari Selesaikan sudah Tak lagi dapat ku tahan Kuingin sakit ini selesai Cukup buatku di sini Kuberharap segera mati

Dalam sepi kau meninggalkanku Biarkan ku membusuk dengan pikirku Dan angan tentang masa yang takkan pernah ada Juga kenangan yang terkubur di dalam dada Dalam sunyi kurenungi sendiri Apa makna lahirku ke atas Bumi Jika perih yang kurasai dalam hati Walau indah juga kujalani dalam hari Bukan ku membenci hidup Tapi kadang kurasa cukup Entah apa masih ku sanggup Jika boleh kumintakan penutup Lelah.. Jiwa ini lelah terdera Walau senyum selalu kupaksa Telah jauh makna ku jelajah Ku ingin hanya mengikut ayah...

(Bali) Hari ini kudengar kabar kau kembali Setelah sepi ratusan hari kulalui Terkadang berharap mendapatimu hadir Tapi kusadari itu hanya mimpi Kutahu harapku percuma Kau takkan pernah kembali Puluhan harap terbangun semua runtuh Dalam diam ku terus menunggu

Can you hear me calling you? I don't want to But my heart is bleeding Just to see you again

It's not easy to let go The best of friend The father figure The brother in need The sun in the rain The moon in the night The wind in desert The traveling companion  The purpose of all The reason behind The other half The love of your life But if it has to be done so The way it supposed to be The price I have to pay Then let it be

You don't know how it feels To love someone you shouldn't When you let it all come in to you But knowing you'll have to lose it Eventually You don't know my struggle Upon those feelings I keep inside Against the force to let you go But this is what I should do Ultimately It feels hard for you As it is hard for me To fight the power of true love In this mediocre real world They don't understand You don't know His plans on us I don't know it either, babe But even we are not together This love will stay For eternity

This stage was never mine But I played my part on it Get in too deep with my role I should get off This love shouldn't be mine But I borrowed and enjoyed it Wanting to possess it alone I should give it back This home couldn't be mine But I came on in anyway Though never got invited I should leave soon

Kau adalah perjalananku Kau adalah yang harus kutempuh Kau akan segera berlalu Kau bukan tujuan akhirku Kau hanya persinggahanku Tetapi aku mau lebih  Karena Kau ajarkanku arti cinta Kau buatku mencintaimu Kau melihat hatiku Kau menghargai nilaiku Kau mengenal aku Tetapi aku tau tak bisa Karena  Kau bukan milikku

The dream is over I have to wake up The night gets colder I'm trying to get the nub The empty bed I stare at Telling me I'm not fine I should have known that You could never be mine What was I thinking To wish we could be one Don't know what life's bringing If I can't be with who I want Now my future seems feeble But I know this way is better Because there are people Hurt when we're together

April 28, 2011 I can't understand love Comes unexpected So fast and wild It drives us nuts I don't understand my heart Beats faster when in danger Won't slow down when being warned Dreams of an adventure of itself Why should I feel this If there is that thin line of warning Why don't they just leave me Maybe it's better to be empty I don't know if this is a curse I feel so tired already by now When love should be killed Before it's even bloomed Perhaps love just isn't in my way Maybe it's not for me at all For love is always a misery to me I really should get used of this...

I have to know my boundary I know that But the feeling came abruptly I didn't plan that You were supposed to be a friend I've known about you long enough for that You weren't supposed to confound I didn't know how to respond for that But I saw your beauty within And I fell for what lies beneath Though you should never be mine I still want you to be my mate

I knew we're impossible You were just a distraction I was just an interlude But somehow I hoped for you Perhaps to fulfill my own broken dream Though I know it was dangerous You're definitely what I like The figure I've been looking for The kind of attention I needed But how do we deal with this? You belong to her eternally I can never have you in any way Maybe someday I'll have my own Somebody like you... Only, he will be mine

Malam ini kutatap langit kosong Termenung memikirkanmu yang jauh Kuberharap tiada kata bohong Hati ingin percaya padamu penuh Namun ketika kuberanjak tidur Mengapa hanya sendiri ku di sini? Lama kuhanya bisa terpekur Mengkhayalkan kau ada di sisi Sulit bagiku membayangkan hidup Bila tanpamu mesti berjalan terus Mungkin 'tuk kita saat ini memang redup Kuyakin kau kan kembali bila itu harus

Aku ingin teriak Tak kuat rasanya hati Kuingin memberontak Dari cengkeraman rasa ini Rasanya tak bisa lagi Kujalani kalau kau setengah hati Tak sanggup berjuang sendirian Sementara tak acuh kau membiarkan Kuingin kau di sini Mengapa sulit untuk kau hadir? Hanya satu pinta diri Benarkah tak ingin kau penuhi? Sudahlah Lama hati ini menanti Aku lelah Lebih baik bila kauakhiri...

28.06.10 Habis. Terkuras sudah semua dayaku. Untuk mencintaimu, membuatmu bahagia. Tak sanggup lagi. Tak ada lagi yang tersisa dariku. Semua t’lah kuberikan padamu, segalanya. Apa yang kulakukan aku tak tahu. Tiba-tiba kauputuskan tali cinta ini. Mengemispun aku tak mampu. Semua cinta t’lah kuserahkan untukmu. Lantas harus apakahku sekarang? Tak ada lagi tujuan, hidupku terasa kosong. Tak mungkin kuakhiri sekarang, belum tuntas semua. Namun tanpa hadirmu di hariku, kan kujalani tanpa asa. Suatu saat kau ‘kan melihatku. Budak uang yang berjuang menyusuri hidup Dalam kekelaman batin yang tak pernah terbayangkan Di situlah ku ‘kan berada. Merelakanmu. Dengan mengorbankan cintaku.

I'm sorry.. ..to let me entered your life ..to let your heart bloomed ..to let you think I'm special ..to let you be the guardian ..to let you take that place ..to let you went upside down ..to let me be a stranger ..to let your heart hates me ..to let us drown apart ..not to let you in to my heart Because I like you so much But I don't wanna lose you I want you to be my special friend But I don't want to go further Please do forgive me Because inside here I'm hurt, too To see you hurt like that Because I turned your heart down

11.05.08 He was an arrogant bad boy. She was a modest sweet girl. He was a logical guy. She was an emotional girl. He was a star in the school. She loved him without he knew. But time made him changed. And so did she was changed. He met her one day and was committed to his decision. She met him again and curious about the rare chance. He started to love her. She was amazed on the miracle. He gave her security. She gave him affection. He was still selfish. She was still patient. He always wanted more. She had had enough. He hurt her feeling. She cried for him too much. So he was staying. And she was leaving. He was shocked. She didn’t care. He realized how important she was to him. She realized how rude he was to her. He was waiting. She was gone. But she missed him. So he came back. He did it right now. She was delighted. He was being a better person. But she thought of differently now. He loved her still. She felt something was still missing. He played with his emotion. She played wit...

19.09.04 Wahai jiwaku apa kabarmu? Lama sejak terakhir kulihat kau tersenyum Tiada lagi kurasakan kau bahagia Selalu kulihat kau murung dan sedih Mungkinkah kau tersesat? Mengapa yang kulakukan tak membantumu? Tak dapat membuatmu tertawa lagi Di luar sini aku merasakan kesenangan Tubuhmu ini dimanja dan terlena Oleh kenikmatan duniawi yang tak kausukai Namun mengapa kau terasa semakin jauh? Di mana jiwa penuh kebahagiaan yang dulu kukenal? Mengapa tiada lagi ada keharmonisan? Kau yang hancur di dalam Membuatku tak lagi bisa bertahan Tiada lagi pengendali dan pelindungku Apa yang terjadi denganmu? Aku tak suka ini, kuingin kau tersenyum Karena deritamu adalah deritaku Teriakmu menjadi lukaku Dan kuinginkan 'tuk sembuh..