Victoria's Poems

20.04.09 I know you're hurting I can still feel it Tho we're now apart I can't help it Everything 'bout you made me sad Or mad, I don't know why I know you still love me In some ways you know that I still love you too But never in the way you want me to And we can never be one I'm sorry if that's the way it is Too complicated and too painful Somehow we'll end up hurting each other And that's the least I want for us So I took the first step out That seemed so cruel to you I know, I am hurting too But look at the larger picture God is preparing something beautiful for you too You just have to be patient and understand Things I've tried to explain but failed Maybe someone else can do it Someone that's not me.. *) Désolée {read: dézolé} is French for "I'm Sorry"

Dec.08 My apology It's still so hard for me To accept all the things And get back to the start But with you I'm willing to do anything Just to make you Never leave me again

01.09.06 Ada apa dengan diriku? Rangkaian kata-kata dapat merobek selaput yang melindungi hatiku dan membuatnya hancur berlinangan air mata. Hanya dengan kata-kata. Belum mengalaminya. Seakan dapat kurasakan kepedihan yang dialami seisi dunia dalam satu momentum. Baru beberapa menit yang lalu aku selesai membaca novel Andrei Aksana, Lelaki Terindah. Dengan kedua tokoh utama pria, kisah cinta terlarang itu menyentuh hatiku dan mempertanyakan keberadaanku. Mengapa menjadi galau hati ini, dan segenap rasa takut menyergap? Teramat dalam rangkaian kalimat yang dirangkai indah namun kejam itu merasuk ke dalam pikiranku, membuat otakku bekerja dalam kepanikan. Entah mengapa hatiku merintih, kisah itu telah menggores sedikit sampul kotak kecil yang telah kubungkus rapi dan kusimpan jauh di ruang terdalam hatiku agar tak terusik. Namun yang kubaca hari ini sungguh mengganggu benakku, seolah tiada lagi dunia yang berputar di luar sana. Yang terjadi hanyalah aku di dalam sepi ruangan be...

27.05.07 Cinta… Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita jungkir balik merasakan badai perasaan yang campur aduk? Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita superseneng dan sangatsedih, seperti dua mata koin yang merupakan satu kesatuan—hanya punya dua wajah yg berbeda? Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita ninggalin semua logika, prinsip, dan keyakinan kita hanya demi satu orang yang membawa kata ‘cinta’ ini ke dalam kehidupan kita? Kenapa satu kata itu mampu membuat keangkuhan terpaksa dirobohkan dan keegoisan dilebur? Kenapa satu kata itu merupakan satu kata yang patut dibenci namun kita memilih untuk mencinta? Kenapa satu kata itu bisa mengubah seseorang—bahkan sifat yang setegar batu sekalipun? Kenapa satu kata itu membuatku sesak napas sekarang? Aku butuh dia. Butuh dia untuk tetap bertahan. Cinta… Kenapa hanya itu yang kubutuhkan? Namun logika menghalangi… Cinta… Dapatkah cinta mengalahkan benteng prinsip dan logika—selamanya? Aku ingin hidup bahagia. Aku ingin hidup dengan cinta. Dapatkah...

I hate you Sometimes, all I want to do is to hug you But you're not here And I hate when you're gone Cuz I need you here And all I want is YOU.

Entah mengapa hatiku sesak Tak ada yang salah  Namun dalam sekejap kurasakan semua Kenangan yang telah berlalu Masa lalu yang membekas Yang kau torehkan dalam hati Aku takut Bila keputusanku salah Bila ternyata kutak bisa menjalaninya Bila ini bukan yang terbaik Tapi kutakbisa pergi jauh Karena kau telah menjadi hidupku Kau adalah bagianku Yang terlalu menyakitkan untuk dipisahkan Tapi terlalu membingungkan untuk disatukan

For all the love you've given me.. I thank you For all the effort just to be with me.. I thank you For all memories you made with me.. I thank you For all the laughters you shared with me.. I thank you For all the tears you've stopped for me.. I thank you  For all the patience you've showed me.. I thank you For all the pain you've felt for me.. I thank you For all the sacrifice you've made for me.. I thank you For all that, and for the more to come, I thank you!

Can I do those steps with you After all that we've had After passed the tiring journey I do want to be with you But I'm afraid if I can do Walk the steps with you You know who I am You know all my weaknesses All those imperfect me If I do surrender myself Would you take care of it all your life? Would you stay the same you are?

OK, I'm the loser You are the winner Of this test you and I were in That wasn't meant to be so mean But you have made it You've convinced me you're worth it To spend a lifetime with you isn't what I'll regret To have you is a blessing that I'll get I have now the understanding That I love you above anything And for the weary nights that I've had Becuz of denying the feelings that I felt I don't do the same mistake To lose you again for any sake You are my precious one To be far from you, that I don't want Life has taught me a great lesson The best thing always back for a reason A reason that brings life a meaning A reason worths sacrificing And you, were never too far Even when I refused you for who you were Cuz true love has no bitter ending Your love for me is a never ending

11.05.08 He was an arrogant bad boy. She was a modest sweet girl. He was a logical guy. She was an emotional girl. He was a star in the school. She loved him without he knew. But time made him changed. And so did she was changed. He met her one day and was committed to his decision. She met him again and curious about the rare chance. He started to love her. She was amazed on the miracle. He gave her security. She gave him affection. He was still selfish. She was still patient. He always wanted more. She had had enough. He hurt her feeling. She cried for him too much. So he was staying. And she was leaving. He was shocked. She didn’t care. He realized how important she was to him. She realized how rude he was to her. He was waiting. She was gone. But she missed him. So he came back. He did it right now. She was delighted. He was being a better person. But she thought of differently now. He loved her still. She felt something was still missing. He played with his emotion. She played wit...

2006 Jika boleh kurayu bulan Kuingin ia terangi malammu Jika boleh kulirik bintang Berkilau tanda kurindu dirimu Jika boleh kupinta awan Berarak melukis wajahku untukmu Jika boleh kumohon Tuhan Menjaga tidur lelap kekasihku Kemudian malaikat datang Bersamanya kudibawa terbang Mengarungi angkasa tuk mengintipmu Yang larut dalam bunga tidurmu Di mimpimu aku seorang putri Dan kau pangeran berkuda putih Kau mengajakku berkelana Menjelajah dunia penuh warna cinta Kan kutiup kecupan di bibirmu Dan kutitip malaikat tuk menjagamu Karna kutak bisa selalu di sampingmu Namun kuingin kautau, aku mencintaimu