Victoria's Poems

I have to know my boundary I know that But the feeling came abruptly I didn't plan that You were supposed to be a friend I've known about you long enough for that You weren't supposed to confound I didn't know how to respond for that But I saw your beauty within And I fell for what lies beneath Though you should never be mine I still want you to be my mate

I knew we're impossible You were just a distraction I was just an interlude But somehow I hoped for you Perhaps to fulfill my own broken dream Though I know it was dangerous You're definitely what I like The figure I've been looking for The kind of attention I needed But how do we deal with this? You belong to her eternally I can never have you in any way Maybe someday I'll have my own Somebody like you... Only, he will be mine

You were there by the pool, sitting When I accidentally past over you Normally it won't mean anything But you know, a dream just came true Funny how you appeared just like that When we chat, I felt like I've known you I just remembered, we've already met In my dream last night, I'm pretty sure it was you I don't really believe in coincidence But what just happened I can not explain Do we need any more evidence? Maybe we're soulmate, but maybe just a friend

Malam ini kutatap langit kosong Termenung memikirkanmu yang jauh Kuberharap tiada kata bohong Hati ingin percaya padamu penuh Namun ketika kuberanjak tidur Mengapa hanya sendiri ku di sini? Lama kuhanya bisa terpekur Mengkhayalkan kau ada di sisi Sulit bagiku membayangkan hidup Bila tanpamu mesti berjalan terus Mungkin 'tuk kita saat ini memang redup Kuyakin kau kan kembali bila itu harus

Aku ingin teriak Tak kuat rasanya hati Kuingin memberontak Dari cengkeraman rasa ini Rasanya tak bisa lagi Kujalani kalau kau setengah hati Tak sanggup berjuang sendirian Sementara tak acuh kau membiarkan Kuingin kau di sini Mengapa sulit untuk kau hadir? Hanya satu pinta diri Benarkah tak ingin kau penuhi? Sudahlah Lama hati ini menanti Aku lelah Lebih baik bila kauakhiri...

28.06.10 Habis. Terkuras sudah semua dayaku. Untuk mencintaimu, membuatmu bahagia. Tak sanggup lagi. Tak ada lagi yang tersisa dariku. Semua t’lah kuberikan padamu, segalanya. Apa yang kulakukan aku tak tahu. Tiba-tiba kauputuskan tali cinta ini. Mengemispun aku tak mampu. Semua cinta t’lah kuserahkan untukmu. Lantas harus apakahku sekarang? Tak ada lagi tujuan, hidupku terasa kosong. Tak mungkin kuakhiri sekarang, belum tuntas semua. Namun tanpa hadirmu di hariku, kan kujalani tanpa asa. Suatu saat kau ‘kan melihatku. Budak uang yang berjuang menyusuri hidup Dalam kekelaman batin yang tak pernah terbayangkan Di situlah ku ‘kan berada. Merelakanmu. Dengan mengorbankan cintaku.

19.03.09 When you first said hi after those missing years I thought, how could this be--it can not be! Tried to tell myself it must not for real Though I secretly wanted it to be When you say how much you missed me I wished you'd never say them Cuz they made me put hopes on you And would break my heart if it's not true When you say you love me true I could only smile, looking back at you You won't know how hard my inside screamed Wanting it so bad to become true So when you really did show me How much you really care about I could only say my grace and thanks and for that, babe, how can I not love you?

04.04.09 In a world maybe only hers to know, she was desperate For nobody's knowledge she had suffered and tortured Life had taught her miseries--she had to find joy among the sorrow Unfairness happens--but justice would find its own way somehow By the time he found her she was wounded and exhausted She was torn and broken and she needed some hope How had she forgotten how to again have the laughter A glimpse of happiness--that was all she ever wanted In him she has found an understanding like never before With him she grows and expands more than she'd ever know By him she is loved and taken care, cherished and embraced Beside him she knows she will--a little more than may--be just fine Thank you.

20.04.09 I know you're hurting I can still feel it Tho we're now apart I can't help it Everything 'bout you made me sad Or mad, I don't know why I know you still love me In some ways you know that I still love you too But never in the way you want me to And we can never be one I'm sorry if that's the way it is Too complicated and too painful Somehow we'll end up hurting each other And that's the least I want for us So I took the first step out That seemed so cruel to you I know, I am hurting too But look at the larger picture God is preparing something beautiful for you too You just have to be patient and understand Things I've tried to explain but failed Maybe someone else can do it Someone that's not me.. *) Désolée {read: dézolé} is French for "I'm Sorry"

29.04.09 I searched on my past, scared to replay mistakes Trauma to certain conditions, afraid to get hurt I knew life's hard and it sucks sometimes and it's normal I have my dreams and keep it inside but I knew it wouldn't come But you came my way again and all my dreams came true You changed my world and fulfills my heart with your love I see your eyes and found a pure soul being so true to me I hear your voice and I know, somehow, that I'll be fine with you

06.09.09 Like a vampire he came to my life, in a sudden I was slave of his love. Cool and mysterious, with a bit hypnotize If it's a dream I wouldn't want to rise. To his scent my nose was searching, And his presence meant for my being. Too bad I don't own cross or silver, But if I do, could it make him go over? Now that he's sucking out my blood, To him only shall I give my one love. Oh I hope he won't try to drain me, Or my life would feel just so empty.

30.08.09 Into those pair of beautiful hazelnut-brown eyes I was looking, tried to convince myself it was not a dream I was in... No, it was not--tho all of the things that happened for the last six months did seemed like one. Into those hypnotic hazel eyes my mind was dragged, bringing my mind back into four years earlier, when that luscious full lips told me how comfortable the owner was to be with me but somehow had promised someone to stay away... Or to what happened just a month before, when he lightly suggested for us to be together and how excited I was when I responded to the invitation a 'yes', making him ended up kissing me softly with his delicious juicy lips... Or to what happened six months before, when I saw him being with another girl and how it broke my heart in silence--that I tried to convince myself he was not for me, how wonderful things like him doesn't belong in my life... Or to what happened three months before, when I first saw him on the par...

18.04.09 This isn't a dream. You made me sure about it last night, before I fell asleep, by the phone. Though it really feels like one. The one I've been dreaming about for years, after all, that comes true today. In my dreams were images of a man who'd love me so true, but along with the love, frees my soul. In it I dreamt about hands of the man who'd hold mine thru life and carry me up when I grow tired. In it I figured the feet that would walk and run with me, with the same pace, until the end of the road. In it I imagined a pair of eyes that would look through mine and find my soul in it, nakedly, and those eyes would love what they'd looking at, regardless how broken, flawed, and contented it is, but still love it no matter what. Those eyes match yours. You, of all the boys I've loved, lost and broken for. You, of all the men I've ever wanted; my deepest wish I dared not to dream of. The combination of it scares me yet it relaxes me at the...

07.07.10 Jangan mendekat ke arahku Kau bisa lemahkan benteng pertahananku Jangan bisikkan kata untukku Kau tau ku pasti percaya kamu Jangan lagi kau coba merayuku Seribu kali sudah dan masih aku luluh Jangan pernah kau sentuh diriku Seratus kali lebih cepat berdebar jantungku Kau sang arjuna yang menawan Datang mencuri hati yang perawan Kau pusat seluruh semestaku Kaubuat hancur segala pengetahuanku Tak seharusnya kau mencintaiku Kisah ini hanya dongeng milik putri raja Tapi kau hadir dan buktikan sebaliknya Kau buatku yakin kau memang untukku Dan aku ingin memilikimu penuh Karena kau telah memilikiku utuh Ketika kau tersenyum hatiku bersemi Kala kau berbisik tiada rasa dapat terperi Kuterlena membaui aroma kulitmu Menatap matamu dan menghirup buru nafasmu Terdekap erat hangat ku dibalut pelukmu Terlelap nyenyak ku dalam lingkar lenganmu Kokoh tanganmu buatku merasa aman Seakan berkata kita tak terpisahkan Kunci jemarimu menyatakan kita sa...

Dec.08 My apology It's still so hard for me To accept all the things And get back to the start But with you I'm willing to do anything Just to make you Never leave me again

Haruskah begini? Kehilangan teman demi cinta Bila keduanya tak mungkin bersama Adakah gunanya begini? Mengorbankan asa dan cita Tuk wujudkan cinta bahagia Mengapa selalu begini? Berada antara dua pilihan Ketika sebenarnya tak ingin kehilangan Terkadang hidup tak adil Skala prioritas diutamakan Apa yang kuindahkan buatmu belum tentu Dan hidup adalah pilihan

Those eyes caught mine Not with hunger or greed but loneliness Melodramatic sense I felt so tense

Saat terakhir kau memandangku Kubenci artinya Kulihat luka di sana Akulah penyebabnya Saat terakhir kau terluka Kuberjanji takkan lagi lakukan Namun apa yang terjadi? Semua terulang kembali Semua yang kuinginkan kauberi Namun apa yang kauingin tuk kuhindari Malah kubuat berulang kali Membuatmu bersusah hati Aku menjadi diri sendiri Namun egoiskah perasaan ini? Apa kumencintamu karena egoku Atau karena ingin membahagiakanmu?